And here we have products and/or services we've deemed worthy of review, whether it's because we hate 'em, love 'em or just think you should know!

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Product Review #8 - by Greasy Pirate - 7 January 06

Product: Consolidated Ink & Steel

Rating - (out of 5 knucks)

If you have a bad tattoo, chances are you weren’t “on the bricks” in downtown Flint, Michigan when you got it. If you picked a butterfly off the wall because it looked cute above your always visible thong you probably were no where close to Kearsley St. And finally, if you got a black tattoo and a year later it turned green, no one at Consolidated laid a finger on you.

Chances are if you were to present any of the above at 107 W. Kearsley St. you may suffer a little damage to your ego. We all know that lately tattoos have become as cool as small dogs in overpriced hand bags, and phones that are a half inch long and give sonar positions of nuclear submarines. But one thing that will never be trendy in the eyes of the men behind the doors of Consolidated is bad tattoos.

Being located in a post industrial rust belt city where half the population is either unemployed or incarcerated gives some extra toughness to an already tough cliental. Flint is best know by college age kids for it’s production of NBA players, 24hr restaurants (exclusively used for loitering and sobering up) and it’s thriving indie rock/punk music scene (thanks to the Flint Local 432). This toughness shows through in Consolidated’s artists work.

If you think you can handle being original this is your place. Forget getting your frat letters inked on, this place abounds with a style Sailor Jerry him self would be envious of.

The Place:

Consolidated Ink & Steel
107 W. Kearsley St.
Downtown Flint, Michigan 48502
(810) 233-9265

Product Review #7 - by Chupa Jr. - 6 November 05

Product: St. Ides High Gravity Malt Liquor

Rating - (out of 5 knucks)

Decision to Purchase: Like anyone that buys a 40 oz. of malt liquor, I was broke and looking for a cheap, high alcohol content brew.

Pros: This happens to be my favorite 40 of all time to drink. Once you get used to it, it kind of resembles a caramelish taste. And with an alcohol level of 8.0% you can’t go wrong with your money. On an average cost of about $1.79 a 40, this is the cheapest I have ever purchased and it only takes one of these to do the trick. Also it’s made by Pabst which has badass written all over it.

Cons: Availability could be a little better, though most places carry St. Ides wine cooler type drinks… but they suck. If you don’t have any hair on your balls, you will after you take a few swigs off this bad boy. The taste to some may resemble a gasoline, rubbing alcohol, and beer mix. The mornings after aren’t usually the most pleasant either, but who worries about the morning after?

Final Comments: I would highly recommend this Malt Liquor over any other out there due to price; being a badass usually entitles you to be broke as fuck. Unless you drink Coors or any other pussy beer, you should enjoy this product to its fullest. East Side!!

Product Review #6 - by Greasy Pirate - 26 September 05

Product: Reckless Records

Rating - (out of 5 knucks)

If you have never made it to Chicago and have a taste for rare 7" records then get on the Red Line Train, get off at Belmont and find your way to Reckless Records on Milwaukee. It's small and has everything piled all over the place (as a good record store should), but if you spend 20 minutes doing a little digging you won't be let down. If you had no will power you could tap out your VISA really quick. I think I could have spent $500 alone on 10 limited edition Dischord records first pressings. A store that has a framed first edition copy of Johnny Cash's first 45 is good enough for me. Also, for all you savages who don't know what vinyl is, there are a ton and a half of new and used CD's as well.

The people who work there are in their mid 20's and are far from the long haired KISS worshiping butt rockers, or skullet-having, Hawaiian-shirt-wearing, gleaming white, pseudo jazz buffs that feel the need to give some poor 15 year old kid crap for buying a Nirvana CD; you know, the usual "They ruined rock and roll with their depressing youth angst message" like "Jump" by Van Halen really said much more than tight pants and receding hairlines are sexy. These guys actually like it if you buy the Misfits or Helmet.

Best of all, if you are with people who know nothing about music, there are a bunch of hipster coffee shops and little, overpriced vintage clothes places. While you are in sonic heaven, let them go kid themselves into thinking they are "with it." In the end you all are happy. You have your bag full of Fugazi and Jawbox and they have a rip off 70's hippy shirt they paid $200 for.

The Place:

Reckless Records
1532 N. Milwaukee
Chicago, IL

Product Review #5 - by Greasy Pirate - 26 September 05

Product: Mark's Feed Store (Louisville, Dirtytucky)

Rating - (out of 5 knucks)

This was a surprise to me as well, but while visiting friends who made the God awful mistake of attending college in Kentucky we found that there is a substantial portion of Louisville, Kentucky that is actually not a redneck-infested-pick up truck-free for all. The Bardstown RD area of Louisville would compare to the Belmont area of Chicago or Royal Oak, Michigan. Lots of “sceney” kids with that Weezer look to them, mixed in with your obligatory hippies, want to be Che Guevara worshiping dreadlocked college “rebels”, skateboarders and an assorted lot of other counter-culture people. Not too many hardcore kids though. When my friends and I make our yearly trek to the dirty south to visit friends and get the hell out of Michigan for a while we are aliens with our skull emblazed hoodies, black and black clothing color scheme, cuffed jeans, tattoos, and roughed up knuckles, we look like the toughest mothers to set foot in Kentucky since the Civil War. However the wussy, vintage wearing, Flaming Lips worshiping, natives are nice and did point us in the direction of several cool stores, record shops and restaurants.

One big perk I know several of my Badass comrades will enjoy Is that basically any restaurant in Kentucky can serve alcohol. This is a shock
because you can’t go to a Qdobas in Michigan and order beer. Anyway, by far the best place in the “Bardstown District” to eat is Mark’s Feed Store.

You can smell this joint (hah southern talk I guess; when in Rome) all the way from EarXtacy (a chain record store, but not too bad). Mark’s is housed in a former feed, or grain storage elevator; it is possibly the world's best barbeque restaurant. If you have a prissy girl or care about messing up that Hollister shirt you know you are wearing, then this isn’t your place. However, if you love to eat until you just throw up, you will like Mark’s. It has that psycho macho super hot Satan fire sauce, and then for us rational people, there are a variety of other more edible sauces to deck your chicken, pork, or beef with. Vegans beware though; this is a carnivore place. The prices are good, the staff is nice and has that southern charm that is cute for a day or two. It's also in a historic location close to where Colonel Sanders was buried (no, really); there are two really cool old cemeteries, (Cave Hill, where the Colonel is) and The Old Louisville Cemetery where 2 accused witches were buried (we have seen photos of the head stones but have yet to find them). Lots of little trendy indie kid shops, coffee houses ect, not a bad place to kill a day.

The Place:

Bardstown Rd. District

Mark’s Feed Store
1514 Bardstown Rd
Louisville KY 40205-1156

Product Review #4 - by Mother Trucker- 4 September 05

Product: Weeping Radish Brewery

Rating - (out of 5 knucks)

This review is to enlighten the lowly cretins of this world about the ultimate proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Decision to purchase:
El Chupinabré and my youngest brother “Blumpkin” (not to be confused with Legionnaire Bumpkin) worked for this fine establishment in Manteo, NC. When I would visit he would hook me up with as much of this glorious nectar as I could drink.

Pros:
They have a beer for anyone and everyone. If you prefer a fancy pants light beer or a manly dark as thick as an Italian’s ass hair dunkle they’ve got it. The beer is always fresh (if purchased at the brewery) because they brew it on the island. In addition to good beer, they have an excellent selection of eastern European foods.

Cons:
Obviously, you have to go to the Outer Banks in North Cacalacky. From most anywhere that is a pain in the ass trip. They’re islands. The price is a little bit much (about $9.00 a sixer). Also it’s hard to find a store that carries it anywhere outside of NC. But you can order a case online.

Final Comments:
This is an excellent beer and brewery. I strongly suggest checking it out if you are ever in the Outer Banks or need to feel like a badass and make fun of all those fairies drinking “Beast Ice”

Product Review #3 - by Chupa Jr. - 3 September 05

Product: Astroglide Personal Lubricant

Rating - (out of 5 knucks)

Decision to Purchase:
For the reasons besides the most obvious, I was sick of buying miscellaneous lotions, lubes, oils, and the occasional lards that just weren’t cutting it.

CONS:
The only cons about this product is that it isn't easily available in local stores and it’s almost non-existent outside the good old U.S.of A.

Final Comments:
If you're looking for a perfect quality masturbatory (whacking) lotion, then this is your best bet.

(Editors note: if you don't believe Chupa Jr., then try some for yourself! Sign up for a FREE sample at http://www.astroglide.com!)

Product Review #2 - by el Chupanibré - 14 August 05

Product: StickerGuy.com

Rating - (out of 5 knucks)

This review is to enlighten the uninformed people walking around out there that the website www.stickerguy.com is a decent place to purchase custom stickers.

Generalé’s Comments:
It all started when the three of us Generalés got to thinking: "How are we going to get the word out on this doozie of a website that we have going?" Well, in the end we decided that the first and hopefully most effective means of propagating the site was to get some sweet ass stickers made and distributed.

Decision to purchase from Sticker Guy:
The way we came across this website was easy. Colonel Crookeye searched the good old ”internet” and some how this bad mother of a site came up. I am not all that sure if everyone reading this knows how this fancy contraption goes about working its black magic. You tell it what you want and it can waste an entirely good day for you by showing you absolutely nothing or perhaps something; it depends on how you look at this kind of thing. But you have to ask it really nice and be willing to go to its house and rub its back if it starts to hurt when it’s, you know, “going." If you need further explanation, or want to know what is meant by “going” then just email us and we will be more than happy to fill you in. (Editor's comment: Actually, Colonel Crookeye knew about Sticker Guy through Shepard Fairey's Obey Giant website. Shepard uses Sticker Guy for all of his stickers, so Colonel Crookeye thought that if they're good enough for the Obey campaign, they're certainly good enough for us.)

PROS:
The PROS were good, obviously. The first pro was site navigation. Although this was my first time ordering custom stickers, I was impressed with the ease this site offered. It was easy to find what I was looking for and to get an accurate idea of cost without having to go through a ton of unnecessary bull-honkey to do it. Next was the ease of uploading our sweet ass sweet custom graphic. I am what has been referred to as “computerly inept." Yes, it is genetic and I advise all that read this to get your family background checked to ensure it will not ruin your life or the life of a loved one. It seems to me that every time I get within 400 ft of one of these dang contraptions all hell breaks loose. As a matter of a fact, I am talking into one old rusty soup can attached to another by 401 feet of kite string just to get this review done. So some info might be lost in the high-tech world of soup can communications. But back to the task at hand, as you all may or may not be aware, the Team Friendship official sticker was designed by the one and only Golden Sparrow. He did a fantastic job and you should all be grateful for the magic fingers that man's momma gave him. He emailed the specified size and quality to yours truly and told me that it was ready and all that needed to be done was to go through the process of submitting the order, so I did and when it came down to what I thought was going to be the biggest pain in the old rump-o, but it went off without a hitch. The last PRO is fast shipping. I don’t think I have to elaborate; this one kind of speaks for itself.

NOT QUITE PROS, BUT NOT QUITE CONS:
These are facts that I couldn’t quite call PROS or CONS. You’ll see what I am talking about, just read along and you can decide if these are PROS or CONS.
From the day I sent our order in to sticker guy's website to the day we received the stickers was one month and one day. I know what you are thinking, fuck that is a long time, but let me break it down for you. The first thing that you have to take into mind is the fact that they are taking a 100% custom graphic and turning it into 500 (+ or – a couple) 2.13” X 2.75” vinyl stickers. Also, they are shipping from viva Las Vegas and we are in Pisa, Italy. We are talking one side of the world to the other. So you decide: 32 days to take a graphic, process the order, print 500 or so stickers and then ship them to bum-fuck Italy. Now, 500 custom designed stickers, three colors, 2.13” X 2.75” for 50 bucks, including shipping - I don’t have any complaints, but I also don’t have anything that I can compare this order to, so again, you will have to just use this to compare to other sites.

CONS:
I had two problems with the whole process start to finish. The first was that they had bad email communication. By that I mean they didn’t really send me any updates. I had to email them to get any kind of info about this order. Imagine how I was feeling after about 2 - 2½ weeks with nothing but a "thanks, you gave us your money" email. I was thinking that these bastardos from viva Las Vegas took my money and got the fuck out of Dodge. So I emailed them and they told me that the order was good and it was waiting to go to press. I took that for what it was worth and felt a little better. Same thing about 10 days later when it was supposed to be shipped. I emailed them and they told me, "Ohhhhh…… yeah, your order shipped on unspecified date" (I don’t remember the date, I ain’t no f-in’ robot that can just spit out dates and stuff). Well, after what seemed like 50 days, I got an email that said, "Ohhhhhh……your order has shipped on unspecified date" (insert robot thing here). So that is the second CON, a miscommunication between the shipping department and the processing department. This little mix up didn’t really cost that many days, but after that long with just the little bit of info that I had to poke and prod and offer up Colonel Crookeye’s first born to get, I was a bit ready to get those bad boys. So two CONS, not horrible, but could have been better (I mean like zero CONS). Zero is better that two, just a reminder in case your "Can Communication System" has gone south.

Final Comments:
Overall Sticker Guy was good. I think that we might have been able to find better, but we didn’t and I am happy with what we got in the end and the fact that they keep your template on-hand so you can reorder is kind of sweet too. So if you are ever putting together a group of badasses and you need stickers, you have this info to help you choose an option. Oh, and if you do put a group of badasses together and you think can give our group of badasses a run for their money, then we would have to get two switch-blade knives, one belt, a parking garage, a lot of extras that can dance and some killer music. Then we would see who’s Bad.

Product Review #1 - by el Chupanibré - 23 July 05

Product: ROCKSTAR ENERGY DRINK

Rating - (out of 5 knucks)

This review is to elighted the uninformed people walking around out there that the Rock Star energy drink is a fucking heart attack in a can.

Generale’s Comments:
I made the horrible mistake of trying this “energy” drink one night. I would have to say that I had a very unpleasant experience. Colonel Crookeye and I were on our way out to an all girl Japanese punk show at some shanty of a bar in Berkley California when we decided that we needed something to help us get through a heavy night of rockin' like it was nobody’s bid-niss. We went into a convenience store to get something and what we came out with was the Devil in a can.

Decision to purchase and drink:
We were tired and needed to be fully energized for the coming events of the evening. As you all may or may not know, some “energy” drinks claim to give you that little bit of added “boost” of energy. This drink was on the shelf with other similar drinks. Nothing looked out of the ordinary: it was in a 16 oz can and the can was a bit ugly (but that is besides the fact.) There were no warnings on the can so we decided to give it a try.

Taste:
The taste was less than desirable. It tasted a bit like if the night before all you drank was sugar water, then took a bottle of cough syrup, dumped half out and then filled it back up with sugar enhanced urine, then you shook it, put it in the can and sold it to people to drink. So it tasted like sugar piss combined with cough syrup. You can decide if that is good or bad. (I think bad but who am I to tell you what is good or bad?)

Effect:
The effect that this “energy” drink had on me was a complete surprise. As stated earlier, this was a 16 oz can and according to the nutritional information there are 2 servings in each can. I only drank about ¾ of the can, so I had a serving and a half. I am not sure of the exact time, but I can tell you that the amount of time it took for me to feel the effects of the Devil in a can was as long as it takes to get from the Powell Street BART station to the W. Oakland BART Station. At that time I started to feel a bit restless and jittery. I asked Colonel Crookeye how he was feeling and he had the same symptoms. By the time we reached our destination, we both were feeling the full effects of the “energy” drink. We went into the bar and were getting all situated for the show to start. We ended up being about an hour and a half early so we were going to eat dinner. Problem was, the Rock Star “energy” drink made us feel like our hearts were about to jump out of our chests, go down to W. Oakland and pick-up an 8-ball of crack. Do to the fact that we couldn’t sit still without thinking about the oncoming heart attack, we ended up walking around for about an hour to try and burn that shit out of our systems. It worked a little, so I decided that the only way to neutralize this demon was to drown it in some good old fashion beer. It worked! After about the 6-7 beer I couldn’t feel my heart pounding on my ribs anymore.

Final Comments:
This stuff is no joke. If you have ever taken Ephedrine then you know what it feels like to think you heart is going to explode. This drink had the same effect on me. I am not saying that this is typical but there were two of us and we have total opposite builds and metabolisms. So try it for yourself if you don’t value the 2-3 years it will shave off your life, or just take my word for it. It is a Heart Attack in a can.